"To want control is the pathology, not the person that gets control, because of course you never do" Gregory Bateson.
The pathology exists when the person gaining control does not acknowledge their behavior (we are all searching for some control in this crazy world)
According to Jay Haley, people inevitalby engage in reciprocal attempts, through digital and analogic communication, to control the nature of thier relationship.
" Any two people are posed the mutual problems:
(a) what messages, or what kinds of behavior are to take place in this relationship, and (b) who is to control what is to take place in the relationship and thereby control the definition of the relationship....It must be emphasized that no one can avoid being involved in a struggle over the definition of his relationhsip with someone else" Jay Haley
One cannot not communicate and one cannot not behave. Everything we say and do communicates our need for control. The freedom lies in our ability to be authentic about our need for control. With acknowledgement we discover that the desire to control is generated by fear and our the attempt to control fear is a mythical adventure.
The photo is from the Dallas sculpture garden (I highly recommend this destination)
2 comments:
This is a very interesting concept. I agree with Haley's comments. What about self control?
when I think of self control the first thing that comes to mind is doing what we think we should do- where does the idea of what we should do come from? Everyone knows what they should do according to society and most people try to follow and feel guilty when they fail. Margaret Cho said it really well in her book I am the One that I want. Many chapters in the book are about her struggle with self control and lack of self control. She talks about her diet- that consists of eating whenever and whatever she is craving and not feeling guilt about her actions. She lost weight! This is just a thought and I have no idea if it holds any truth (but that conversation is for another post).
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