Contrology

"To want control is the pathology, not the person that gets control, because of course you never do" Gregory Bateson.

The pathology exists when the person gaining control does not acknowledge their behavior (we are all searching for some control in this crazy world)

According to Jay Haley, people inevitalby engage in reciprocal attempts, through digital and analogic communication, to control the nature of thier relationship.
" Any two people are posed the mutual problems:
(a) what messages, or what kinds of behavior are to take place in this relationship, and (b) who is to control what is to take place in the relationship and thereby control the definition of the relationship....It must be emphasized that no one can avoid being involved in a struggle over the definition of his relationhsip with someone else" Jay Haley

One cannot not communicate and one cannot not behave. Everything we say and do communicates our need for control. The freedom lies in our ability to be authentic about our need for control. With acknowledgement we discover that the desire to control is generated by fear and our the attempt to control fear is a mythical adventure.

The photo is from the Dallas sculpture garden (I highly recommend this destination)

My birthday

o.k. So it is not my birthday, even though I wish it was. Hey I don't mind getting older, every year of new wisdom is greatly appreciated. Even though my friends Chris and Jenson (both of whom are over 31) say that women over 30 are pushy and desperate to get married...I hate stereotypes!!! Enough of that tangent. This post is about my birthday and not the insecurities of older males who think that only young women (19-20) will like them because older women (whom they admit are more interesting to talk to) have higher standards. O.K so I am a little worried at this point that I may have offended some of the young female population. Just so you know I adore women of all ages and with that being said my standards have definitely risen with age-so no harm meant by my comment. O.K so enough of the ranting-back to my birthday.
I was a little embarrassed when someone asked me the day of my birth. I told them I was born April 1st 1974 (32 and proud). They asked me the history of April Fools' Day (remember the apostrophe always follows the "s") or also commonly known as All Fools' Day. Her question stopped me in my tracks. I had no idea how the holiday started and worse yet I had no excuse for not knowing. I have had 32 years give or take to find out. A little help from my friends. If you know of the origin or have a good explanation (I do not care if it is fictional as long as I can make people laugh when I repeat it) please write it down! Gracias ciao!!

December 18 4:27pm (Central)
So this is the next day and I have been reflecting on my self righteous statements. Some of the most interesting people I have met are very young. Recently I randomly met this kid (16) at a cafe- his concept of life, self confidence and desire to talk about possibility was admirable. I am still searching for these ideas. I also believe that standards may not change with age- otherwise we would not find ourselves always dating the same individual- My younger sister could possibly have higher standards than me, but this could be debated (you should call me tara). Anyway whenever I try to be disagreeable my humanistic side takes over, this is a plus and definately a minus. I do acknowledge my ranting about stereotypes and defending my position with numerous stereotypes of my own. So I just wanted to follow up with these thoughts by trying to stay committed the LOVE.
Thanks

My Delclaration of Self-Esteem (by Virgina Satir)

** I was experiencing a crummy day and found this to be forgiving** Hope you enjoy!


I am me

In all the world, there is no one else exactly like me.
there are persons who have some parts like me, but no one adds up exactly like me.
Therefore, everything that comes out of me is authentically mine because I alone chose it.

I own everything about me-my body, including everything it does;
My mind, including all its thoughts and ideas;
My eyes, including the images they behold:
My feelings, whatever they may be-anger, joy, frustration, love, disappointment, excitement;
My mouth, and all the words that come out of it, polite, sweet or rough, correct or incorrect;
My voice, loud or soft;
and all my action whether they be to others or myself.

I own my fantasies, my dreams, my hopes, my fears.

I own all my triumphs and successes, all my failures and mistakes.

Because I own all of me, I can become intimately acquainted with me.
By so doing I can love me and be friendly with me in all my parts.
I can then make it possible for all of me to work in my best interest.

I know there are aspects about myself that puzzle me, and other aspects that I do not know.
But as long as I am friendly and loving to myself, I can courageously and hopefully look for the solutions to the puzzles and for ways to find out more about me.

However I look and sound, whatever I say and do, and whatever I think and feel at a given moment in time is me.
This is authentic and represents where I am at that moment in time.

When I review later how I looked and sounded, what I said and did, and how I thought and felt, some parts may turn out to be unfitting.
I can decide that which is unfitting and keep that which proved fitting and invent something new for that which I discarded.

I can see, hear, feel, think, say, and do.
I have tools to survive, to be close to others, to be productive and to make sense and order out of the world of people and things outside me.

I own me, and therefore I can engineer me.
I am me and I am ok.

On the Road Again

Some of my best thinking comes to me while road tripping. Little G and I recently drove from SLC, Utah to Mexico City, Mexico. I highly recommend this drive to anyone seeking a little adventure. In as few words as possible I will try to explain where I have been but not the why that is for you to wonder about.
Flew to Las Vegas, bought a car (low miles-great deal and it is YELLOW!), named the car bumble after the great state I was raised in, ate Hawaiian food (haupia and kalua pork) in Vegas casino, did not gamble (no time and I spent all my dough on the car), wait I did drop $1.00 into a slot machine- sorry to have lied, drove back to Utah, packed, repacked, repacked, repacked, drove to the border of Wyoming and Colorado, spent the night (very cold and windy the next day), drove to Golden Colorado, found a ranch guy in the mountains and bought a hard top for my jeep, worked a deal and traded him for my soft top!!, plowed through the snow, found the highway, headed towards New Mexico (I love that state), drove all night, stopped at the base of a volcano to watch the stars, spent the night in Clayton, bought snacks in Texline, drove to Amarillo, at this point I am really tired of eating Subway vegetarian subs, walked Little G through a park, hit the highway and drove to Fredricksburg, it was late and I was tempted to stay, got back on the road and stayed in San Antonio, SLEPT well all night, picked up Kim at the airport (she brought homemade cookies for the trip!!), went to payless for slippers (I had heard Mexico City is really cold now), went out for dinner on the river walk, the holiday lights looked great, walked G again-he barked at some homeless guy (very unusual for him), caught up on school gossip, slept well, drove to the border, passed through with ease!!, drove to Monterey, had an excellent meal!!, got lost, got found on the wrong highway, ended up taking side roads (rule number one broken), drove through huge mountains at night (rule number two broken), stopped the car to look at the stars (rule three broken), stayed in a small town Muhela (had no other choice but to sneak G into the hotel), went to Walmart (it was right there people), drove to San Louis Potosi- still on the free highways and not on the toll roads, bought strawberries from a fruit stand (the most dangerous move yet some would say), stopped in Isturbide to walk around the town (really cute place), headed back toward the city, ate Churches Chicken at a truck stop, no other women in the entire place filled with men- kinda weird- did not stay long, drove into the city, dropped Kim off at her house and hugged goodbye, went home and unpacked, went to bed.