Two stories for you
#1
The beauty of therapy is that it provides a space for everyone in the room to grow and transform including the therapist. On one occasion I received a long thank you for all the changes that had taken place. I thought I was listening but actually I was thinking of ways to intervene and somehow redirect or stop these compliments. So that is what I did, I redirected the compliments and basically ignored all that was shared. I am not sharing this story as a way tooting my horn or patting myself on the back. I think gratitude is a natural part of therapy and I am by no means an expert therapist. I am simply trying my best as a student to figure it all out with the help of every around me. I discussed with another therapist how the session was for me and how I felt like I blew it. The act of redirecting was really a form of strategizing, a way of trying to guide (or control) the situation so it would play out the way I thought it should. Trying to write my own ending to another person's story. My goal as a therapist is to ask questions or listen with the intention of creating a space for the people to guide themselves, one thing I have learned from my training is that we are the only experts when it comes to discussing our lives. Strategizing does not exactly fit into this goal. During this particular session I also came to realize that I have a really difficult time accepting compliments. This may seem like a trivial discovery and this was not a new, earth shattering revelation for me. This is something I have known for a long time. I am not sure why but somehow my awareness of my actions in the session touched me on a deeper level and I saw the effect of my actions on the others in the room. This inability to receive was at the root of all my strategizing. The other therapist really noticed how I squirmed and avoided any compliment sent my way. Why is it so difficult for me to say thank you when I receive a compliment? I am not sure knowing why would actually make a difference but observing myself in the act of negating made an impact. When I deny compliments it feels like such an egotistical action. We all need validation, this tells us that we exist. I see a thank you as a way to validate and I think it could be a sweet exchange of words. So simple to say, no...Thank you!
#2
Julie and I went for a run this evening. This run was special for me because it was my first run since my knee injury. Surprisingly, I was full of anxiety while lacing up my shoes. My fear was that the pain would return. I walked for about 30 min. building up the courage to run. Never in my life have I needed to build courage to run so this was an interesting perspective for me. I found the courage and I RAN!! I took it easy, focusing on my gait and trying to keep my mind present on my movements. It was really, really wonderful. The pain did return but different than before, I just reminded myself that this was the first day back on the track and healing takes time.
Well after running..yeah!..I waited at the meeting spot for Julie. She approached me mouthing the words Pasta Box and immediately I joined her in the craving. A craving of course that only a Rustica, tocina ensalada and veggie pasta can tame. We did not have a watch so I ran to a group a people practicing Karate and asked for the time. 7:40pm!! We had ten minutes to get home and place our order before PB closed. We knew what we had to do...RUN. We hit the streets and sprinted. My moves may have looked chaotic as I darted through the obstacles of moving and parked cars, people and pets but trust me they were calculated. I did not almost trip over a big pot of boiling corn on the sidewalk!! Anyone watching would have agreed that my moves were smooth and evasive like a professional NFL receiver. It did cross my mind to stop and place an order for a cup-o-corn as I flew over the pot, but I needed to stay focused. After sprinting non stop for 6 minutes, my lungs burned and I think Julie's diaphragm cramped, everything was happening so fast, the details blurred together. All we could do to keep our speed and determination was yell Rustica. This was our mantra, our motivation home and we were not giving up. The excitement ended after a ten minute sprint and climbing a long flight of stairs. Not to worry this story does have a happy ending because now I am sitting here writing this post with a belly full of Pasta Box! Thanks Mars it was worth the pain.
